I am American.

I have spent the evening NOT making my condo toddler-proof. My sister and her family are staying with me this weekend, which includes my 16-month old nephew. So, what was I doing instead of covering sharp furniture corners? I was catching up on my favorite blogs, and the list keeps growing every few weeks.

One post from my friend Pam caught my attention. Pam references an article about the Spanish basketball team making an offensive gesture toward Chinese people, and frankly all Asians, in my opinion. We're talking about racism. The type of racism expressed by the Spanish is the kind that worries me the most. You could probably call it ignorance. We really haven't come that far in our modern culture if educated adults think that making slanty-eye gestures or using phrases like "fresh of the boat" is even remotely acceptable.

Pam and I were both raised in Midwest towns (in Illinois for her and Missouri for me), where only a handful of Asian kids attended our schools. For most of my childhood I was comfortable at school and with my friends, but once in awhile, I would get a swift reminder that I was not like everyone else in my town. I still live in my hometown and I really can't tell you how often I go through this conversation:

Stranger: "Hi, how are you? That's a different last name. Where are you from?"
Me: "I'm from St. Louis (or St. Peters, my hometown)."
Stranger: "No, really. Where are you from?"
Me: "I was born in St. Louis."
Stranger: "Oh. I mean, what's your nationality?"
Me (irritated at this point): "I'm American."
Stranger (finally noticing my irritation): "Well, that's not what I meant. Where are your parents from?"
Me: "Thailand. They've been here for over 38 years, over half of their lives. I'm American, but my ethnicity is Thai."
Stranger (back to total ignorance of my irritation): "That's great. I love Thai food!"

At this point in the conversation, I either politely extricate myself from this person, making my parents proud for not provoking confrontation, or I steer the conversation to the halfway decent Thai restaurants in St. Louis.

However, lately, I find myself becoming the educator. If anything, I make people uncomfortable by forcing them to see their inherent racism. I honestly think that most people believe that they are not racists, even though they carry these pre-conceived notions in their head, or they ask questions like the ones above. This is how they were raised -- no exposure to anyone of non-Caucasian, non-Anglo, or non-European background.

I think you only know racism if you have experienced it firsthand or if a close friend or relative has experienced it and you share their pain. For me, the pain is not just about racism against Asians, but of people of all races. I know what it feels like to be the minority and to feel alone in a sea of sameness.

Earlier, I mentioned having reminders of race. Even today, I wonder what the person at the retail store thinks when they see me coming up to the counter. Do they automatically think that I speak with an accent? Are they surprised when I speak English with a perfect Midwestern accent? I don't think about this too often, because it would drive me insane. So, I guess it's a sanity check, albeit a negative one.

I live with racism everyday. I never know when it will rear its ugly head. Will I need to get into a debate with my co-workers about immigration? Will I need to remind friends that America is a melting pot and even our exalted forefathers were immigrants? It really does get old. How often do I need to tell people that I am American? Would it be this way if I lived in a more diverse community?